


I'm Gonna Swing From The Chandelier

by CassidysPersona



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Brotherly Love, Friendship/Love, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage Proposal, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Protective Siblings, Religious Discussion, Same-Sex Marriage, Scottish Character, Self-Harm, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:56:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidysPersona/pseuds/CassidysPersona
Summary: Rebecca's arrived in the village after Robert called her, but when he finally gets her alone to talk Robert soon realises the younger sister of Chrissie may not be as together as she seems. He sees her at her best and at her worst but he knows there's more to it than her dad being shot, can he work out what it is so she can be of help to Aaron and himself? Can Rebecca get herself help or is it going to take a visit from her best friend and a intervention between Robron to make her see she needs to get help to be able to help them?Summary sounds terrible I'm sorry!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gabby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabby/gifts).



> A/N: Ok so this is something I’ve been talking with my Twitter friend Gabby about, there’s so much about Rebecca so far that gives off these there’s something not quite right vibes, so after sending many shorts to Gabby I’ve finally decided to write it up.  
> P.S. I am having no cheating in this – as one I really want Robron to be happy, two it won’t suit this story and three – can’t Robert have a female friend and not bed her again? A lot of people probably don’t like Rebecca due to Fridays episode but I love her and I think I’ve fangirled majorly with Gabby so I don’t expect any readers really.  
> All the best  
> Cassidy x

Rebecca White was sunbathing on the balcony of her villa in Goa letting the sun hit her skin, she was DJ-ing on the beach but today was her day off, as the evening sun reached its right amount of hotness she was not going to miss a second of it. Wearing a bikini that showed off her flat stomach, long legs and C cup boobs she sipped at her glass of Pinot Grigio and opened up her book (Bridesmaids by Jane Costello) when her phone vibrated, had she not been enjoying this relaxation she’d had welcomed a phone call but given she was in a good head space (for once) she sighed heavily slammed her book down then before the call cut off she swiped her finger across the ‘swipe to unlock sign’, “Hello?” she answered the unknown number and her faced scrunched up when she recognised the voice on the end, “Robert?” she swung her legs off the sun lounger and walked back inside, “This better important I was enjoying my day off.”

“You heard from your sister lately?” Robert asked as he sat on the sofa above the pub with a pen in his hand and a pad of paper on the table, “Then shut up and listen,” he ordered he waited for the shuffling on the other end to finish and he finally told her the truth, “Your dad’s in danger, Chrissie’s gone nuts.”

“Well that’s not news to me Robert, Chrissie’s always been a bit nuts, it’s what makes her, her,” Rebecca answered as she laid down on her bed with one leg crossed over the other, “Shot?” she sat up with her big blue eyes wide as she waited to hear if her dad was still alive, “Is he ok? Is he alive?!”

“He’s alive…but he’s been knocked, look you won’t like this but…a few months ago Chrissie went snooping around your dad’s things and it came out that Lawrence isn’t her real dad,” Robert rolled his eyes as Rebecca started telling him to F off and the rest, “Oi Rebecca shut up and let me talk...don’t you think it’s a bit suspicious? Chrissie finds out your dad isn’t her dad and he’s shot?”

“Robert…Chrissie’s quite a lot of things but she doesn’t have it in her to shoot people, have you met her? She cries at everything, when she came to see me after the whole helicopter thing she was flat out crying for the whole week…she felt guilty enough about that,” Rebecca picked at the skin around her nails, “I’m pretty sure she’d have killed herself by now if she shot dad.”

“Kill herself?” Robert scoffed, “Come on Chrissie doesn’t have the guts to do that, she’d get halfway through it and realise she won’t be able to sponge off your dad anymore.”

“Robert,” Rebecca heaved a sigh getting rather annoyed at his comments towards her sister, “so what’s the plan then? I come over and find out who done it or is it just so you can wind her up?”

“Well if you don’t want to see your dad before he’s drugged or shot again fair enough,” that comment got her thinking, although he couldn’t see her he knew exactly what was going through her head, “Got your attention then?”

“Just go away Robert,” Rebecca cut the call off and sat on her bed knees to her chest and her chin resting on them, she contemplated ringing her dad but that would be too obvious, she contemplated messaging Lachlan (he’d just tell her everything was fine, you were lucky to get a grunt out of him now) then she thought about Chrissie (no, she’ll just suspect something) now laid on her bed in her villa, all relaxation plans ruined her next thought was to book flights, she reached over her bed and fumbled for her MacBook Air Gold, “Right let’s get booking Maccy,” she spoke to her electronics like they were people although they didn’t give a reply it was either that or she spoke to herself, “Alright Skyscanner gimmie what you got,” she typed in the name of the airport she’d depart from and the airport she wanted to land in, “Actually,” grabbing her phone again she used the finger scanner to unlock and then scrolled through her phone contacts before clicking on ‘Godbotherer’, “Hey Calum how are you my favourite Scottish tablet of all time?” she asked with a smile on her face as she heard the familiar tired groan and then he finally spoke, “Well don’t sound so pleased to hear from me Jock anyway what’s up with you? Big Man turn you down again.”

“Rebecca…I’ve told you a thousand times to stop calling me that,” he scolded and he heard a laugh down the phone, “Look I’ve had a long day what is it?” he asked as he rubbed his eyes from tiredness, “When you coming to the UK?” his face lit up and all tiredness was suddenly, “Ohh a favour, does that favour involve me getting you to Yorkshire?” he asked as he walked towards the window, “alright English Muffin I’ll help you if you promise to stop calling me Jock.”

“Deal…and don’t call me English Muffin,” she glared down the phone then growled when she Calum laugh, “Not funny…I am not an English Muffin,” she hit her pillow in frustration and rubbed her forehead.

“Yeah well you call me Jock I get payback,” he put the phone down and Rebecca glared at her phone playfully before putting it back on her bedside table.

* * *

As she touched down on the grass a crowd of people were watching, “Thank you,” she said loudly to the man who let her out and he patted her head, “Pass on Calum I love him,” as the wind from the propellers was so strong she had to hold onto her hat as the helicopter prepared to lift off again, she trekked across the grass feeling the squelch of mud as she did so, then she removed her glasses and her hat, “Lucky,” she smiled to her nephew who was twelve years younger than her, though the rest of the crowd were not so pleased with her, “What? None of you ever seen a helicopter before?” though as she felt Chrissie’s glare on her the penny dropped, “Oh…should’ve I got the bus?” she heard the helicopter fly away into sky and she bit her lip, “Oh dear.”

“You’re a damn disgrace,” Doug reprimanded the blonde who turned to face her sister, “and don’t even think about asking her to back you up, she’s the reason Diane’s sister is dead.”

“Blimey!” Rebecca moved her eyes left and right judging the bunch of people around her, “I might as well get the Salem Witch Trials back,” she said as she stepped forward to find somewhere safe away from the angry crowd, “Oh what have I said now?!” she asked as Harriet sent a glare her way.

“Harriet’s the vicar and Ashley stepped down this year,” Lawrence whispered and Rebecca groaned as she put her foot in it again.

“Did you that on purpose?” Chrissie asked she stood firm and Rebecca stepped forward.

“I got it arranged by Calum…how was he to know?” she asked her sister who just glared at her, “Come on sis give me a hug and admit you’re happy to see me,” the two sisters had a tiny spat before Robert approached, “Sorry,” she passed her dad her hat and walked over to Robert he expected a hello but instead he got a rather painful slap across the cheek, “No one hurts my sister and gets away with it, especially not a cheating scumbag like you,” she approached him further and he took a tiny step back slightly worried, “You’re not fit to wipe the dirt off her boots,” she glared and then walked back to Chrissie, “Now do I get a hug?” she smiled and Chrissie held out arms (“yes,” Chrissie answered) and they hugged.

* * *

After hearing from her family what happened to her dad, she stepped outside for a breath of fresh air, she thought she would be alright she thought she’d be able to handle hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth but hearing it from her dad made it worse. Then she got a text off Robert

_You get anything out of your dad yet? – Robert_

Rebecca glared down at her phone what kind of question was that? She had only just arrived and Robert was already pestering her, she swiped across the message notification and unlocked her phone using the touch sensor once it opened up to the message she typed angrily.

_I’ve only just got here, my family have finally told me, I’m not exactly feeling very happy at the moment Robert – Rebecca_

The blonde made her way into the village after going on what was supposed to be a short walk it turned into her not really remembering how she came into the village but she knew Robert lived above a pub and she made her way inside then made it look like she was using the loo, Robert was coming downstairs and he recognised the witch type look she was pulling off very well, “Oi,” he turned around and she jumped back about three inches, “What was that stroppy text about? Also that slap bloody hurt.”

“Well you said I had to make it look convincing,” she replied with an innocent look on her face and Robert looked down then back up again.

“Do they know that you know?” Robert asked.

“Nope…and hearing it straight from my dad it just shook me up a little,” Rebecca started to dig at the skin around her nails, “I also don’t appreciate that man laying into me earlier.”

“So you don’t think it’s suspicious then, your dad being shot under those circumstances?” Robert could tell he pushed a button as he saw her scratch harder causing blood to start flowing out, “Rebecca you’re bleeding.”

“You’ll be bleeding in a minute,” she retorted angrily as she sucked at the blood but it just made it sting, “Ow!” she pulled her finger out and clenched her hand into a fist, “Look I’m here now aren’t I? So stop pushing my buttons…who’s this Andy bloke?” Rebecca asked and Robert exhaled angrily.

“So this your gay little love nest?” she decided to change the subject to find out what was going on with Robert, “where’s the lover boy then?”

“If you mean Aaron he’s out- “

“and proud?” Rebecca wiggled her eyebrows and Robert glared, “Where has your sense of humour gone?” she leant against the wood panelling and inspected her injured finger, “Ow when did I do this?” she asked confused her vision then got clear on where she was, “when did I get here?”

“Rebecca I think the time difference has gone to your head, you did that a minute ago,” Robert pointed to her finger and the looked up at her, her eyes were glazed over and she looked confused, “are you ok?”

“I’m fine Robert,” she pushed the door back to the pub and walked out to the bar area, leaving the blonde man very confused (what the heck was that?) although as she exited the pub she pulled out her phone and contemplated ringing the contact that was Jenny Hunt (MHN) but then she pushed the decision away, there was no way she was ringing Jenny not now, but she did however ring up the number that she rang in Goa, “Cheers for that…now the whole village hates me.”

“What are you talking about?” Calum asked confused as he walked out of his church and into the graveyard outside, “Rebecca?”

“Chrissie and the helicopter, are you an idiot?” she growled down the phone and on the other end in Glasgow Calum’s brain went on red alert, “now everyone hates me!”

“Bex…sweetheart, are you ok?” he asked as he heard her breathing heavily down the phone and he could mentally see in his head the flicker of red light that warned him something wasn’t right, “Bex?” he pushed and she didn’t reply, “Rebecca?”

Rebecca leant against the picnic table outside the pub and rubbed her forehead, “I was fine until I got a call off Robert…everything has gone wrong, what if my dad isn’t my dad? Chrissie won’t be my sister and,” she clicked the call off leaving a concerned friend on the other end.

“Rebecca?” Robert approached her with caution as she looked fairly agitated, “what is going on with you?” he asked as he was not going to be the one who caused her to have some kind of breakdown, “If this is too much for you, then I can find another way.”

“I need a drink…a large glass of Pinot Grigio you can pay,” she stuffed her phone in her bag and made her way into the pub, leaving Robert outside very confused. He pulled out his phone and texted Aaron:

_Rebecca’s here, she’s going to help me, but I have a slight problem xx_

_Who is Rebecca and what have you done now? Xxxx – Aaron_

_I’ll explain in person; just don’t worry I’ve got it all under control xxxx – Robert_

_That’s what’s worrying me xxxx – Aaron_

Robert put his phone away and then stared back at the pub worrying about what he was going to find inside, there was something not quite right with this girl and he was determined to make sure she was well enough before he sent her on any mission of some kind.


	2. I've Got Thick Skin and An Elastic Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I apologise for this chapter WHY AM I UP AT 04:35AM?! Hello insomnia my old friend, I've come to chill with you again. 
> 
> So this chapter is kind of heavy and I've had to remember a few things from what I've seen from friends or done myself so I hope this ok for you guys, I promise it'll be less heavy next chapter.

Rebecca was on her third glass of wine and Charity had noticed something wasn’t quite right. Rebecca had been drinking the wine like it was a sparkling juice and didn’t even stop to let the wine soak into her system before she went onto another, “You’re Char…no…let me remember,” Rebecca leant across the bar and clicked her fingers to jog her memory, “Charity, that’s it Charity!” she shouted proudly and Charity (a little concerned) tried to talk to sense into Rebecca.

“Rebecca, don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Charity asked as she noticed Rebecca’s eyes were red from too much alcohol, her hands were shaking and she was scratching at the skin around her nail again, when she looked down at the injury sight bright red blood pouring down her hand, “Rebecca?” Charity clicked her fingers but she didn’t respond.

* * *

Meanwhile Aaron finally returned and Robert greeted him with a kiss, “Hey how was your day?” Robert asked and Aaron pulled aside.

“You’ve not been replying to my messages, I asked you what’s going on and you never replied!” Aaron felt Robert grab his hand and they dashed upstairs to talk in private, “Robert if you’ve got yourself into trouble at least let me know.”

Robert and Aaron stepped into the living room and sat down at the round table that Aaron and Robert usually drank tea at, “Something’s up with Rebecca and now I’m worried that I may have just ruined our chances of getting Andy’s name cleared,” Robert flicked on the kettle and Aaron leant against the sofa arms folded.

“Up with her how?” Aaron queried but Robert didn’t answer, “Robert I’m all about getting Andy free but what’s wrong with her?” Aaron watched Robert lay two mugs out on the counter and drop two teabags in them, “Robert?” Aaron sensed Robert was trying to find the right words so as his partner glued words together, Aaron watched as the kettle boiled.

“She was all glazed over, her eyes,” he finally answered whilst pouring hot kettle water into the two mugs the steam rising from both of them was rather fascinating to watch, “like she wasn’t there, earlier she came round to speak to me and couldn’t even remember how and when she got here, then she started scratching her finger and couldn’t remember doing that either. I don’t know there’s just something not right there,” he had explained all this whilst pouring milk and sugar into the mug he then walked over to Aaron and passed his tea, “I’ve known her for about three to four years and she’s never been like this.”

“Maybe it’s jetlag?” Aaron suggested, he sipped at his tea that was made by Robert and Robert rolled his eyes, “What?”

“Jetlag? Aaron come on even you’re not that stupid, she’s not jetlagged something isn’t right,” Robert took a sip at is tea and then walked over to the sofa, “we need Andy’s name cleared…how are we likely to do that if she’s…” he whistled and twirled a finger around his head, “I just can’t have a nutcase working in our corner.”

“Oi Belle’s in hospital remember? Be careful using those terms around here,” Aaron sat down next to Robert and leant forward, “just see how she is tomorrow…in the meantime please don’t do anything stupid like illegally dig through her medical records.”

“Aaron I want Andy’s name cleared and Lachlan punished for what he did, I’m not doing any digging around, as that means the bad guys go free and we get jail time,” Robert put his tea on the coffee table, “So no I’m not going to illegally dig at her medical records I might be blonde but I’m not stupid,”

“Sometimes,” Aaron whispered and Robert hit his arm, “Ow,” he hit him back playfully.

* * *

Downstairs Rebecca was arguing with Charity about the fact that she had had enough, Rebecca didn’t feel done though and she was demanding another drink, “I’ve got the money it’s not like I’m not able to pay,” she waved a tenner in front of Charity but Charity refused.

“Listen you’ve had a long journey, you’re tired, you need to go home,” Charity just had a feeling that Rebecca would be better off at home rather than here but Rebecca was the type to speak her mind and not let her opinions hold her back.

“I’m not tired I just need another drink,” as Rebecca stared right into Charity’s face the noise around her began to feel like she was underwater, she could hear noise but not words, “Actually…I need air,” she got off the barstool and held onto various inanimate objects to support her. Ronnie was sharing a table with Lisa when he spotted the blue eyes – the blue eyes that he couldn’t mistake, they were Ellen’s and even though Ronnie had strong feelings for Lawrence having met her a few times the one thing you noticed was the eyes. Sapphire blue and large that’s what they were and it was impossible for Ronnie to mistake them on the blonde woman who had just left to get some air.

“Woah that woman’s got a screw loose,” Charity breathed out with relief as she was finally free from being spoken back too, “You saw her right?” she asked Lisa as she picked up the two pint glasses from Lisa and Ronnie, “Oh Lisa I’m so sorry,” Charity kicked herself mentally when she realised what she said in front of the worried mother.

Rebecca was outside leant against the wall of the pub, still hearing nothing but muffled noises, she had hoped the fresh air might do her good but all it did was just make whatever was happening far more distressing, “Are you alright love?” she heard a male voice but couldn’t make out what he had said, “It’s Rebecca isn’t it?” Ronnie asked and Rebecca turned her head to face the man who was speaking her vision was blurry and all she could make out was a blob from his hair and beard, “It’s quite cold out here why don’t you come back inside and I’ll get you a hot drink?” he wasn’t doing very well at hiding the concerned family friend act, but he couldn’t help it (with Ellen gone it meant Lawrence’s daughters biologically or not, were missing that women’s touch. And not that Ronnie could ever fulfil that, he was going to try and be there without being there.) “Come on,” he tried to guide her inside but the moment he attempted to help her in she jumped back and refused to go anywhere near him, “I won’t hurt you…I just want to help you, I can see you’re a bit upset.”

“Just leave me alone! I don’t need anyone’s help, I just need to be left alone,” she snapped at Ronnie, he saw the withdrawn look on her face and the way her body language was, he knew to leave her alone.

“Alright, I’ll leave you alone but the offer still stands if you change your mind,” he reassured and Rebecca bit at her nails and scratched at skin again, “I’m in two minds to call Lawrence,” he said to Lisa who was texting back Chas, “she’s not with it at all and she jumped back a few inches when I tried to guide her inside, I know she’s not a child but it’s not right her being left outside alone like that.”

Robert dashed down the stairs and into the bar where he found Charity, “Charity have you seen a blonde woman, looks a bit like a gypsy in a witch’s dress?” Robert asked though he didn’t appreciate Aaron’s chuckle, “Well you have to admit she does look a bit like one.”

“If you’re asking about Rebecca she had a bit of a funny turn and then went out, I’m glad to see the back of her, it was like she hadn’t seen wine for about a year the amount she was throwing back,” Charity answered as she sorted out glasses, “and then the cheeky cow walks out like nothing happened.”

“So she was acting weird then?” Robert pushed for an answer so his suspicions were at least confirmed and Charity stood back up straight and turned to face him, “did she look dazed at all like she wasn’t there in the moment?”

“Robert she’s knocked back three glasses of Pinot Grigio, she’s obviously a lightweight, I can’t say much else sorry,” she pushed past both men and then Robert turned around to speak to Aaron.

“Robert if she’s not well up there I’m not having her go on missions to try and expose her family, if she’s like this because of you telling her about Lawrence then I don’t want her doing anything else for you got that? If you need proof that keeping something secret can make it ten times worse just think of Belle,” Aaron tried to read Robert’s thought process, then he saw the red flashing lights that sensed Robert had a plan, “Robert what are you doing?” Aaron chased after his partner as he left the interior of the pub, “Robert! I won’t have her losing the plot because of us,” he sensed Robert was listening and with a shake of his head he walked back inside.

“Rebecca are you ok?” Robert had drowned out Aaron as soon as he laid eyes on her, she had changed from butchering the skin on her finger to her wrist and with her sharp nails she was causing quite a lot of injury, “Oi…what the hell’s going on with you?”

“Oh look if it isn’t Robert,” Rebecca looked up and Robert sensed she still wasn’t in a good mood, “nice little love nest you’ve got here…above a pub, parties every night bet you two have a right old rumpy-pumpy when no one listening,” she winked and Robert leant over on the table with hands resting on the wood, “Don’t worry I’m not homophobic, I’m very big on the whole LGBT community, you remember Calum don’t you Robert?” she questioned him and he rattled his brain, “Glaswegian, I call him Jock to piss him off.”

“Ahh right the vicar, he finally admitted it then?” Robert leant away from the table his previous thought of giving her some strong words was gone since she wasn’t exactly with it, “how’d his family take that? Last I heard they kicked his younger brother out because he got a tattoo.”

“Ohh yes those lot are very strict, his sister got pregnant unmarried she got kicked out, then his younger brother did drugs etc and got kicked out and he came out gay so his parents took it swimmingly,” she looked at Robert her blue eyes scanning him, “what are you doing out here anyway?”

“Rebecca stay on track here, what the hell is going on with you?” Robert was now completely confused by her moods and was afraid to question her on them, “one minute you’re talking and then next you have no clue where you are…then you scream bloody murder because Charity won’t serve you and now you’re back to normal. Are you ok to do this?”

“I have no clue what you’re on about…I am sat outside a country pub where else have I been?” Rebecca put her hands under her chin and looked up at the blonde man with complete confusion, though when she moved her wrist she got a stinging pain that wouldn’t go away, “Ow,” she pulled her sleeve up and found blood all up her wrist, “when did I do that?”

“Rebecca listen to me,” he sat on the seat opposite her and they both made eye contact with each other, “I’m worried, are you sure you’ll be ok to do this?” he looked at her eyes and made sure she was telling the truth.

* * *

Rebecca’s phone vibrated in her bag flashing up ‘Godbotherer’ but she ignored it, knowing far too it was him and also knowing himself so well she knew he was going to go all protective on her and start lecturing her. Thankfully for Rebecca’s sake at home she had managed to sober up slightly, only from the help of Charity who used the placebo effect of giving her fizzy apple juice as ‘wine’ and after various glasses she was just about sober enough to go home. Whilst she walked past the village the familiar smell of autumn overpowered her senses and that took her back to a place she didn’t want to go. As she normally did she tried to carry on walking but something stopped her and when she the country rounds around her became the flashback of the bathroom at twelve years old, trying to tell her sister to not be so selfish and to think of her son. There are some things a twelve year-old shouldn’t have witnessed like catching her sister who was in a rather volatile relationship with Donny at the time, trying to down paracetamol and bleach together because she felt it was the only way out from it all had left Rebecca emotionally traumatised and as the smell of the air rang familiar with the smell of the bathroom that time due to the window being open. As the flashback played in front of her like a movie it was always the bit where she had to pin her sister down and shout in her face that bothered the most she saw complete darkness in her sister’s eyes that day, like nothing else mattered and it was seeing her willing to give up everything that had scared her the most.

_“Think of your kid Chrissie!” Rebecca shouted as she held her sister down as strong as she could and she looked into her eyes, “What the hell are you doing?!”_

_“Trying to make everything go away,” Chrissie answered and she covered her face with her hands, “trying to make everything go away, just for a moment.”_

_“It wouldn’t be for a moment…that stuff could kill you…are you an idiot?!”_

Rebecca had somehow through that flashback managed to make her way to the gates of Home Farm. As she came back to what was her reality she jumped and screamed when a hand fell on her shoulder, “Chrissie,” Rebecca practically jumped on her sister as she threw her arms around her and held her tight.

“I was just about to look for you, you said you were getting fresh air where did you go?” Chrissie studied Rebecca’s face and she smelt the smell of expensive wine on her breath, “have you been drinking?” Chrissie asked her sister as she put both hands on her cheeks, “Rebecca it’s only early evening,” Chrissie was about to lecture her further when her sister stared blank, “Bex?” she clicked her fingers but she didn’t respond, “Oi don’t mess around with me…” again nothing and it was only when Rebecca heard a gunshot she practically grasped onto her sister’s shirt and held one hand against her chest and the was grasped onto the back of her sister. Chrissie herself panicked remembering what happened the last time she heard a gunshot, “Dad?!” Chrissie debated between checking on her father or keeping check of her sister though her fear took over her and she left her sister, “Dad?!” she shouted again but luckily Lawrence came dashing out, “Oh thank god,” she didn’t however notice Rebecca had dashed and ran around the back, “Rebecca?” Chrissie heard the sounds of rustling coming from the back garden and she caught a wave of blonde hair trailing away, “Rebecca what’s going on?” Chrissie chased after her and managed to catch her by the wrist.

“No get off!” Rebecca pulled away harshly and rubbed her wrist as though it had been burnt, “Just leave me alone,” she pointed to her sister with nothing but hatred in her eyes and then found an entrance into the house, she darted upstairs, unintentionally ignoring her nephew as she did and locked herself away in the bathroom.

“Auntie Bex?” Lachlan called completely puzzled by his auntie’s behaviour, “are you alright?” Rebecca couldn’t hear well again it was the same underwater hearing in her ears, she knew there was knocking but she couldn’t quite register anything very well, “she’s locked herself in and won’t come out.”

“She went really weird a minute ago,” Chrissie added as she removed the bobby-pin from her hair that was keeping it from getting in her face, “Rebecca what’s going on?” Rebecca heard her name but she couldn’t answer, “I did learn to pick doors at Girl Guides years ago wasn’t exactly on the badge earning criteria, but it’s come in handy. So you can either let me in or I can open it up this door,” Chrissie hoped that threat would at least attract attention but there was nothing, not until the last minute, her sister came out with a blank look on her face, “Rebecca what’s going on with you?”

“Look in the mirror,” Rebecca snarled, she stormed past her sister and slammed her bedroom door so loud that it rattled the floor and pictures along the hallway. Out of anger, fear, confused emotions she shoved items off the bedside table and chucked an ornament at the door, “I hate this…I really hate this,” she whispered as she leant across her bed and inhaled and exhaled like she was trying to prevent a panic attack, “Oh shut up!” she threw her vibrating phone at her wardrobe and watched as the screen cracked and the LED screen went various colours before becoming unusable.

“What did she mean by look in the mirror?” Lachlan asked his mother as he heard the commotion coming from inside his auntie’s bedroom, “mum?” Lachlan pushed for an answer but Chrissie just turned away and walked down the stairs.

“Chrissie what’s going on up there?” Lawrence asked but then he frowned when she sat on the stairs, “have you two had a falling out?”

Rebecca laid on her bed and pulled her duvet close to her face as she tried to get herself together but that wasn’t happening anytime soon. As the blonde laid on her bed she allowed black tear tracks to cascade down her face from her running makeup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Gabby :) I apologise for the intense Posh and Yorkshire I promise they won't be like this for long <3


	3. I'm Still Breathing, I'm Still Breathing, I'm Still Breathing, I'm Still Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca's beginning to really struggle, will it take a visit from a good friend of hers to get her to admit she's not ok? Will that be enough though or is Rebecca going to go along with people's wishes to keep them quiet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've taken so long to update! I've had various stuff on and I was a little bit blocked. Thanks to all you readers love you all!

Late evening Rebecca finally come out of her bedroom, after her performance earlier she was nervous to walk downstairs, “Come on, pull yourself together,” she whispered to herself as she felt her hands shaking and her heart was beating rather profoundly.

Downstairs Chrissie was on her phone texting one of her salon employees, she spotted from the corner of her eye blonde hair (finally) Chrissie thought to herself as her sister walked in, she turned around on her chair and smiled, “Hey,” Chrissie greeted but Rebecca just stayed quiet, “Bex it’s me come on,” Chrissie pushed for her sister to say something but Rebecca looked to the floor, “Rebecca what’s going on with you?” Chrissie got off her chair and walked towards the counter where Rebecca was stood, Chrissie backed into the counter and stood with her arms folded, “I was only worried about you that’s all,” she put her arm around her and Rebecca leant into her, “are you sure you’re ok?” Chrissie felt Rebecca tense up as she rubbed her hand up and down her arm.

“I’m fine,” Rebecca lied (a lie which didn’t go unnoticed by her older sister), “have you had dinner?” Rebecca looked up at her sister and Chrissie was about to answer when Lachlan decided to jump in.

“Saved you some it’s in the microwave,” as Lachlan spoke he didn’t look up at his auntie, he was still feeling fairly annoyed that she blanked him and spoke rude to his mother, “Excuse me,” he purposely knocked into her as he walked past, Rebecca pulled away from Chrissie and went to call him out but her sister got there first.

“Lachlan!” Chrissie scolded but her son just ignored her completely, “I’m so sorry Bex, he doesn’t mean it,” she tried to excuse her son’s behaviour, however Rebecca just leant her head back on her sister’s shoulder, feeling quite anxiety filled Rebecca wanted to be near someone familiar, “we ordered takeaway it should still be fairly warm though,” Chrissie felt Rebecca lean away from her and she looked at her sister first, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to leave dinner,” Rebecca backed away as she felt her chest start to cave in on her, “Time changes and hearing about dad it’s really made me not hungry,” she went to dash out to find somewhere safe to hide, but she received a shock when her dad’s hand wrapped around the wrist she had injured earlier, “No get off!” she ordered her dad and she tried to take the large hand off her wrist, “Get off,” this time she sounded a bit less threating, she sounded childlike, “Dad please just get off,” her chest got tighter and she struggled to keep her breathing steady.

“Rebecca what’s wrong with you?” Lawrence looked into her face and noticed she did not look well, her face looked drained and it was only when he heard her breathing erratically that his panic mode set in, “Rebecca?” he tried to get a response but she couldn’t speak and all was coming out was attempts for air, “Rebecca what’s wrong?” he saw her try to gasp for air and his eyes grew wide.

“I’ve got it,” Chrissie put her hands tightly on Rebecca’s upper arms and Rebecca gripped onto her sister’s, “Bex look at me,” Chrissie followed her sister as she started to lower herself down, lack of air meant she was getting dizzy, “hey look at me,” Chrissie spoke softly but Rebecca didn’t calm down like she wanted her too, “you’re ok, it’s ok,” she reassured and Rebecca looked at her with frightened eyes, “breathe in,” she waited for Rebecca to copy her, “and out,” Chrissie watched as Rebecca followed her technique, “and in and out,” Chrissie breathed a sigh of relief when her sister started breathing normally, “there feel better?” though she laughed when she heard her tone of voice, it was patronising unintentionally but her maternal instincts (and sibling instincts) were kicking in, Rebecca looked up at her sister, “a simple nod would be nice,” Chrissie joked

“Thank…you,” Rebecca still felt quite shaky and the thought of standing up was quite worrying, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey…you don’t need to be sorry for anything,” Chrissie kissed her on the head and the stood up before holding out her hand. Rebecca took her sister’s hand and pulled herself up though still shaky she lost her balance a bit, “hey I can deal with not breathing well but I can’t deal with head injuries,” Chrissie joked and Rebecca laughed as Lawrence approached Chrissie stepped aside.

“No,” Rebecca grabbed onto her sister’s wrist determined for her to stay, “please,” she pleaded and Chrissie gently removed her sister’s hand and Rebecca had tears in her eyes.

“Rebecca…where did that come from?” Lawrence asked concerned as he had never seen her have an anxiety attack before and it shook him up slightly. Though his daughter bit her lip before allowing two tears roll down her face Lawrence took her hands and waited for a reply.

“You could’ve died,” she finally spoke and Lawrence looked at Chrissie she was now biting at the skin around her nails, “and none of you told me, what if you had died? I wouldn’t have a dad anymore,” tears slid down her face and her nose crackled as she breathed out.

“It’s alright,” Lawrence wiped the tears that were falling down her face away and kissed her on-top of the head, “It is my job as your dad to look out you and Chrissie, not the other way around,” Lawrence sounded firm and Rebecca felt her chest tighten up again, “Now your dinner will still be there in the microwave if you need it. Please get yourself to sleep,” Lawrence let her go then almost immediately Rebecca ran upstairs and closed her bedroom door.

Chrissie walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, “Dad there’s something not right there,” she raised her concern whilst unscrewing the lid.

“How did you know how to handle her…panic attack?” Lawrence asked out of curiosity she hadn’t suffered from them when she was little and as far as he could remember both his daughter’s mental health seemed to be ok.

“I only knew the breathing in and out thing because of experiencing labour, they said that panic-breathing cuts down on the amount of oxygen your body can use for yourself and your baby, so I put two and two together, Rebecca wasn’t breathing so oxygen wasn’t getting to her brain and so I just took a guess,” Chrissie then directed her eyes to upstairs and sighed, “I don’t know what it is but she’s not well,” Chrissie took a sip of the water and offered her dad some but he said no. He was in denial and refused to believe that his daughter was ill.

“A goodnight’s sleep will do her good…she’s just jetlagged.”

* * *

Rebecca didn’t sleep at all that night she had spent most of it watching Youtube videos on her MacBook Gold, then at some point during the night she got the sudden urge to research on her dad’s shooting.

_Emmerdale Agricultural Businessman Lawrence White is shot_

_Village Local On the Run After Escaping From His Trial Over The Shooting of Lawrence White_

She spent the rest of the night getting information on Andy and now with a bed full of notes she lifted the duvet off her head and realised it was morning light. The big red numbers on her digital clock told her it was five-thirty in the morning and she heard her sister come out of the bathroom, bored Rebecca got out of her bed and then followed her sister quietly until she got to the door of her bedroom, “Morning!” the sudden noise caused Chrissie turned around rather quickly with fear in her eyes, “Sorry…I heard you moving about so I thought I’d inspect what was going on,” Rebecca smiled and Chrissie arched her eyebrows (she was acting completely normal again like nothing had happened last night).

“Right well I’m just about to get ready,” Chrissie announced however Chrissie sensed Rebecca didn’t want to be alone. There was something in her body language that across vulnerable and childlike, that’s what insinuated Chrissie to treat her like she was three years old again, “want to take a look at the fancy collection of jewellery I’ve grown over the past two years?” Chrissie knew that would get Rebecca’s attention, she was like a hawk when it came to necklaces and bracelets, having shown quite the fascination when she was a kid.

Rebecca looked around and observed her sister’s room it had clearly been cleared out of any trace of Robert and Andy. Whilst Chrissie pulled out her make up bag Rebecca nosed over the dressing table and found their mother’s ring, “This was mum’s,” the blonde picked it up and held it in her hand, “remember when I used to beg over and over for the story of how dad proposed to her?” Rebecca sat down on the stool that Chrissie was also occupying, “I’d refuse to go to sleep until I heard it at least twice.”

“I remember you screamed the house down one night,” Chrissie recalled the night when their mum couldn’t tell Rebecca because she was going out with friends, their dad couldn’t tell it right so Rebecca jumped on her sister and demanded to sleep in her bed, “you were lucky I was ill that night else I would’ve said no,” Chrissie draw on the eyeliner and made it flick at the ends.

“Come on say no to your three-year-old sister? Even though I was unbelievably adorable with large sapphire blue eyes?” Rebecca blinked her eyes and Chrissie raised an eyebrow disapprovingly.

“You were unbelievably annoying,” Chrissie turned back to her makeup and decided on what to apply next, “but adorable,” the brunette added to at least not sound so bitter, “what are you doing today?”

“Not much…I just plan to sleep (that’s a lie), eat (not a lie), I’ll Skype Calum later and see how he’s doing,” Rebecca stopped herself from touching her wrist as she wanted it to heal, as she hovered her hand over the sleeve of her pyjama top she felt heat radiating, “I’m going to get a coffee since we have no kitchen staff, would you like one?”

“Yes please oh and Bex,” Chrissie stopped her sister in her tracks Rebecca turned her head and waited for her sister to talk, “Coffee’s on the left, cyanide is on the right,” Chrissie joked.

* * *

“What is it?” Rebecca stuck her old phone between her shoulder and ear as she attempted to speak and make coffee at the same time, she had gotten dressed and was wearing black leggings, a velvet sandy coloured top, a leopard print jacket and she wore black ankle boots and a necklace, “no I haven’t yet because funnily enough I need to plan this out carefully,” Rebecca tapped the spoon against the mug and listened as Robert droned onto her about did she want to know, “also Robert was I…was I weird in anyway yesterday?”

Robert told her the story of how she was up and down throughout yesterday and hearing that Rebecca swallowed a worried lump in her throat, “that answer your question?” Robert wasn’t getting an answer from Rebecca so he assumed that was all she needed.

“Gotta go, thanks Calum,” Rebecca pretended it was Calum so Chrissie wouldn’t get suspicious as she walked in, “Calum wondering how I am.”

“Bex,” Chrissie approached the subject she was about to bring up very carefully, she leant against the kitchen island and Rebecca placed her phone on the counter and indicated her attention was on her sister, “Last night,” Chrissie tilted her head downwards and tried to think of how to word it, “you…urmm, you went a bit weird.”

“Weird how exactly?” Rebecca felt her heart rate pick up to avoid it going any faster she let her coffee cool down.

“You locked yourself away in the bathroom and refused to come out, however when you did…you said urmm,” Chrissie lifted her head up high to keep her straight face on, “I asked you what’s wrong and you said ‘look in the mirror’ what did you mean?”

Rebecca couldn’t look at her sister straight in the face as she knew she had already started to struggle with going undercover, however given she had stupidly let her thoughts become vocal the night before she decided to be partly honest with Chrissie, “I…recently the whole catching you about to dose down paracetamol with bleach, the flashbacks have started to get stronger.”

“Stronger in what way?” Chrissie walked over to her sister and stood next to her with concern on her face, “Bex?”

“Nothing forget I said anything,” she grabbed her old phone and made her way out of the kitchen, “I’ve got to go to a phone shop and get the iPhone want anything?”

“Rebecca hang on you can’t just…” Chrissie tried to chase after her sister but she had already borrowed their dad’s car and drove off.

“and grandad told me something I had something broken up there,” Lachlan avoided his mother’s cross look and walked into the kitchen in his dressing gown and pyjamas, “Auntie Becky’s wired…you seen tweets from half the village last night?”

“What do they say?” Chrissie dashed over to her son and grabbed his phone where she found tweets from:

Kerry - Talk about weird, Rebecca or Bex whatever her name is needs her medication changing…she was showing desperation eyeing up Robert – did her sister not tell her the news?

Bernice @Kerry1112 You talking about Lawrence’s daughter? Chrissie gave her the lowdown after she blew up the village

Nicola @Bernice2016 step-niece or whatever she was to me, that showy cow who arrived in the helicopter, who the heck does that?! Clearly Bernice she didn’t give her enough details then…as she seems pretty acquainted with Robert – bets they slept together when he was with Chrissie?

Bernice @Nico12132 I let go of their family drama when I finished with Lawrence, let’s not talk about Robert shall we? ;)

Chrissie sighed heavily and gave Lachlan back his phone which he happily took, “I know she ignored you Lucky but she’s not well.”

“You got that right, she’s nuts…you should see Charity’s tweet – she practically begged her for alcohol and then just blanked out,” Lachlan poured cereal into his bowl and Chrissie breathed in a breath of concern.

* * *

A white SL Mercedes-Benz came tearing down the country roads, Sia’s Chandelier was blaring out whilst he attempted to ring over and over Rebecca although he had named her ‘English Muffin’ on his phone, “Bex for heaven’s sake answer your phone,” the strong Glaswegian accent to the unknown ears would be quite hard to pick apart but to the trained ear he was easy to understand. He saw a sign that said ‘You are now entering Emmerdale village’ and he slowed his speed down, “Oh you so better not be swinging from a Chandelier you eejit,” he whispered as he feared for his friend who was clearly struggling, “Oh come on Rebecca just answer your damn phone!”

Rebecca walked into The Woolpack and signalled to speak to Robert, the blonde pushed himself away from the bar and followed Rebecca into the back before turning her around, “Well…any news?”

“I don’t know,” she leant against the wood and Robert’s body language gave off he wasn’t happy, “I don’t even know if I should do this, how can I trust you?”

“Well did Chrissie make the phone call to you about Lawrence?” Rebecca fell silent and Robert took advantage of her silence, “did Lawrence call you? No and do you know why? Because they’ll always see you as the baby of the family, Chrissie didn’t tell you because she hates the fact that Lawrence isn’t her dad- “

“Why does it matter? Her whole life she’s called him dad, my whole life she’s been my sister and…I don’t think I can do that to her Robert,” Rebecca looked down at the ground and realised her hands were shaking again, “she’s my sister…how would you like it if I made you do this to Victoria?”

“Victoria’s not a spineless bottom feeder, your sister however- “

“JUST SHUT UP!” she screamed and Robert jumped back about three inches at her outburst, “it doesn’t matter Robert, Chrissie’s my sister and Lachlan’s my nephew and my dad is my dad…nothing you say will change that,” she had tears back in her eyes and Robert put his hands on her shoulders.

“Alright…alright…I’m sorry, ok,” he tried to calm her down but his ears were then drawn to a roaring noise, “do you hear that?” he asked and like a Typhoon aircraft flying by the roaring sound of “Elastic Heart” distracted everyone inside, “Who is that?” Robert grabbed Rebecca’s arm in fear she’d run off.

“What’s going on?” Kerry asked as she looked out for the vehicle that had just teared through the village, there was a screech noise as the car braked suddenly and he turned back driving quite normally, as the car pulled up Rebecca’s eyes lit up, “hey do you think it’s somebody famous?”

“Alright Bex?” Calum asked as he saw his friend, Calum had a baby face with black hair, chocolate brown eyes and pale skin, “come on don’t I get a hug?” he asked though Rebecca gave him a smile before running over to him to hug him tight, “I’ve been trying to get hold of you!”

“Why’s a vicar driving a Mercedes?” Kerry asked, “and a fancy once that is.”

“It’s not mine it’s this eejit’s,” he chucked her the keys which Rebecca caught in her hand.

“Wait so you can drive my car down from Glasgow but you send me here in a helicopter?” Rebecca raised an eyebrow and Calum’s cheeky smile made her feel less angry, “I mean I know you want me to feel more with the big man and all…but it wasn’t your smartest move.”

“Speaking of smart moves Rebecca,” Calum pulled her aside so the villagers wouldn’t hear, Rebecca knew what was coming and she prepared herself, “now since I’ve got my collar on don’t lie to me…have you been ok?”

Rebecca looked up at his face with her large sapphire blue eyes and she swallowed a lump growing in her throat, “I’m fine,” though she didn’t sound convincing enough and when she moved her eyes away from Calum that’s when he knew she was far from ok.

“Rebecca are you ok?” he asked again with a soft voice.

“Yes. I’ve just told you,” she kept on nodding her head but it looked like she was shaking more than anything, to him it was a clear sign she was getting annoyed at all the questions. Calum knew that meant she was defensive due to her protecting herself.

“Look at me,” Calum ordered and Rebecca stayed staring where she was which was at a weeds growing on out of the wall, “Look at me,” he ordered this time and Rebecca slowly turned her head to face him, her eyes looked puppy like and it was identical to Chrissie’s puppy-eyes that he was silently freaked out, Rebecca swallowed a lump in her throat and then started to shake her head. Calum’s face softened and he waited for her to admit it.

“No,” she shook her head and Calum took her hand, meanwhile Robert was trying to watch what was happening if she really wasn’t well, he had a slight feeling that his actions might have kicked something that couldn’t be fixed easily, “I’m not ok,” her face crumbled and Calum pulled her into a hug, “I’m not ok Calum.”

“I know…I could tell by your phone call yesterday and when I saw you before you left, Rebecca why have you come to see your family, the real reason?” he asked as his friend cried on him, “because I can sense something is bothering you.”

“Robert called me when I was in Goa…he said that dad was in danger, that I might not be his daughter,” she swallowed a lump in her throat and Calum’s strong hands held her tight, “I’m so confused.”

“Hey we’re going to get you help, I’ll call Jenny and get you an appointment with her…have you been taking your meds?” he asked her and Rebecca didn’t verbally answer but she shook her head, “oh Rebecca you’re so stubborn at times they don’t just hand those out like smarties anymore, you really need to take them.”

“What meds is he talking about?” Aaron had walked past Rebecca and Calum just as Calum asked her about medication and fearing that Rebecca was really unwell mentally he approached Robert, “please don’t tell me you’ve known about her being on medication.”

“Aaron…I had no idea, she’s always been high strung a bit like Chrissie but…needing medication I promise you I had no idea,” Robert put his hands in his pockets and tilted his head back, “I could kill her she told me she was fine, I knew something wasn’t right.”

“I told you Robert if she’s on meds to keep this,” Aaron pointed to his head angrily, “sane…then no way, we’re not messing with her head especially when she’s got some vicar on her side.”

“Calum’s a softie…the worst he’ll do is say we’ll burn in hell,” Robert couldn’t help but laugh and Aaron was the same, “no he’s too soft for that as well, he’ll literally just tell us to stay away from Rebecca and that if we cross a line, his angry side will come out.”

“I thought you said he was soft?” Aaron asked confused.

“Avoid bringing up the referendum, calling him Jock and don’t ask him to repeat anything just listen carefully…he gets annoyed that he’s hard to understand,” Robert looked at Aaron who was watching the scene in front of him, “now what? If she’s got a screw loose Andy could be on the run forever.”

“I’ll buy you a coffee and we can have a chat,” Calum wiped her tears away and Rebecca smiled, “you’ll be ok Bex…and you can show me what this place has to offer.”

“Well there’s a church down the road,” she pointed to the church building where people went to worship, “that might make you feel at home.”

“Where’s your cauldron then?” Calum winked.

“Humour me Jock, keep on humouring me,” she laughed when Calum looked at her disapprovingly, “come on you know I can call you Jock and get away with it…I’m not a witch.”

“Come on coffee and we can talk…and keep me away from that Robert bloke I don’t like that he’s messed with your head,” Calum put his arm back around her and Rebecca wrapped her arm around his back, “I’ll park that later,” he clicked the button on the car keys that locked the vehicle and then clicked the button for the safety alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.s Thanks to Gabby for being so amazing and listening to my ideas and thanks to MajesticGrape for your comments :)


	4. Big Girls Cry When Their Hearts Are Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca's struggling to keep her symptoms under control, Calum has to inform Aaron and Robert about what really is wrong and when Chrissie demands to know why her sister is on sleeping drugs is it all about to become to real for the White family that something is clearly wrong with the younger sister?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Sorry I've been so absence with this story but I've had to do research etc and to try and keep it in the realm of reality and drama. I've also had a bit of a relapse with my stuff and a few friends too, so this is a cross between my friend and making it interesting enough to read.
> 
> Love  
> Cassidy xx

Calum and Rebecca linked arms as they walked the long way around to the café, Calum wanted to see the village and Rebecca was more than happy to show him, “So who had ago at you then Bex?” Calum asked as they turned the corner and Rebecca stopped in her tracks when she saw Doug, “no don’t you even think about running,” he pulled her back and she stumbled backwards, “he won’t do anything while I’m here, have you seen these bad boys?” he flexed his muscular arms and Rebecca smiled sadly, “not to mention it’s my fault in the first place, if he even looks at you in the wrong way,” Calum then saw how exhausted Rebecca looked and he made a face that showed concern, “come here and give me a cuddle,” he held out his bulky arms and waited for Rebecca to hug him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and then relaxed as he held onto her tight, “I’ve missed you,” he kissed on the head and then pulled away as he felt rain starting to drop on his head, “ok where’s this café?” 

It was lucky that they weren’t that far from the café as it went from raining to bucketing it down in a matter of seconds, as Calum pushed open the door the two friends bent over for a second panting out of breath, “you’re supposed to be used to bad weather given Scotland is as bad as a hormonal teenager,” Rebecca hit him in the chest playfully and Calum gave her a glare, “well you know…when it rains it rains, when it snows it snows…do you remember you trying to drive us to Inverness on the A9? You nearly got us killed! That road is deadly and it was so rainy that you could barely see for a second on the windscreen before it filled up with rain again.”

“We got there didn’t we?” Calum argued but not seriously it was a playful argument, “I mean yeah there was a car crash and someone skidded…I prayed about fifty thousand times but we survived,” Calum shook his wet hair and Rebecca rung her hair out, “I’m not buying you coffee given your current situation…wait hang on,” he pulled out his wallet and noticed he forgot to exchange his money, “why can’t you guys just accept Scottish money?” he grumbled, “stupid bloody England and its refusal to take my money, why are you so allergic to it?”

“Calum we have a bank, after this we can go and exchange your notes…sorry he’s a little bit sensitive,” Rebecca said to Bob as he was quite startled by Calum’s outburst, “can I get a chamomile tea and a coffee please?” 

“Bex,” Calum lowered his head disapprovingly she wasn’t supposed to be drinking anything with caffeine in not really, given she was fine one minute and the next she was freaking out he wasn’t best pleased for her order.  
…..

Robert and Aaron were sat on the sofa their cups of teas were on the coffee table cooling down,

“Robert what are you gonna do about Rebecca?” Aaron asked Robert who sat deep in thought, “Robert?”

“I don’t know Aaron, she was our best hope to get under Chrissie’s skin, she might still do it though, well she clearly hasn’t suddenly just become ill has she? She can clearly function with whatever is wrong…it’s just a matter of treading carefully,” Robert pulled his phone out of his pocket and then texted his ex-sister-in-law.

_Are you ok? – Robert_

“Robert if she’s not well I don’t want you messing with her head, I don’t know her but you saw what happened to Belle, Rebecca will be playing her sister, nephew and dad I don’t think she’ll be able to cope with it,” Aaron grabbed his tea and then leant back into the sofa, “Lachlan couldn’t handle the you posing as Donny could he? Chrissie knew something was up with him, do you really think Lawrence is going to be so blind that he can’t see his own daughter is struggling?”

“No offence to Zak or Lisa but they completely missed Belle’s second break down, no one really saw you were struggling with your dad, if your family can miss it then Lawrence surely can,” Robert put his phone away back into his pocket and awaited Rebecca’s reply, “not to mention he’s so screwed up he can’t even see that he’s got issues and he can’t see that Lachlan’s issues are mostly down to him throwing a cheque at everything. Money rules their world if they want something going away the White family use a cheque, only a cheque won’t make this go away. No I’m going to get Andy’s name cleared and I’ll do whatever it takes.”  
…..

“How about we swap these around?” Calum lifted the mugs up and replaced Rebecca’s drink with the chamomile tea and Calum to the coffee, Rebecca was sat on the sofa in the café with one leg crossed over her thigh she gave him a look of annoyance but then brushed it off, “how long you been off your meds for?” he asked as he gently pushed the mug to his lips and he took a sip of the hot beverage, “and don’t lie to me I can tell when you’re lying…you scrunch you nose up and try and look genuine.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do…you picked it up off Chrissie as she does the same, only hers tends to be when she’s right or being sassy,” Calum laughed as Rebecca went red, “so how long have you been off your medication?” he put his mug down and stared her in the face, “Bex?”

“Three months ok,” she tilted her head back and tried to drown out Calum’s lecture she was about to receive, “I can’t hear you, la, la, la, la,” she blocked her ears and turned away from him repeating ‘la’ over and over.

“Rebecca!” Calum slammed the table using his fist so hard that his coffee mug actually lifted off the table and back down again, hearing his slam caused Rebecca to jump to her feet, “please just talk to me sweetheart,” he saw her hands trembling and he knew he had triggered something, “Bex I’m so sorry…” he left his coffee and grabbed his jacket as Rebecca ran out of the café, “Bex!” he chased after her in the pouring rain.

If Chrissie hadn’t been in the village to pick up biscuits from David’s shop as Rebecca had complained about theirs being too aristocratic, she wouldn’t have spotted her sister entering the shop and buying herself some alcohol, she knew the pub wouldn’t serve her not after her performance yesterday and this time she wanted to be alone, alone with a bottle of vodka and her thoughts, “Rebecca?” Chrissie tapped her sister on the shoulder and turned her around, “what are you doing?” Rebecca went to walk away from her but Chrissie stopped her, “put that down now.”

“Make me,” Rebecca snarled angrily and Chrissie stepped back an inch worried about what her sister might do, “go on make me, what are you going to do? Are you going to drag me out like I’m a two year-old?” 

“Rebecca,” Chrissie couldn’t quite grasp what exactly was going through her sister’s head but there was something wrong, something Chrissie knew her dad couldn’t fix with a cheque, “alright let’s just go home and talk about this ok, we can talk about this,” she tried to get through to her but whatever Chrissie said Rebecca just argued back at.

"No you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not mum…you don’t get to tell me what to do!” she pulled away from Chrissie’s grip on her wrist, “you don’t get to tell me…because,” she stopped herself from blurting out about what Robert told her, “just leave me alone,” she put the bottle of vodka down on a random shelf and crossed her arms before waking back into the severe weather. The rain hit against her face and the sharp wind stung her face.

“Bex!” Calum ran towards her and Rebecca backed away as her friend approached her only she didn’t get back very far as Chrissie put her hands on her shoulders, “Rebecca don’t just take off like that, I was talking to you.”

“Calum?” Chrissie blinked a few times as she took in the man in front of her, last time she saw him he was about eighteen and came to Rebecca’s eighteenth birthday party, only then he went to a different university than Rebecca and she was surprised Rebecca still knew him, “you’re the reason Bex arrived in a helicopter then? Ah you are going nowhere,” Chrissie grabbed Rebecca’s wrist as she went to run, “just because my son’s not a toddler anymore doesn’t mean I’ve lost the eyes behind my head.”

"Chrissie,” Rebecca couldn’t sound anymore childlike as she wrapped her arms around her sister, at first Chrissie was confused but nonetheless she hugged her sister back and held her tight. 

“Rebecca what’s going on with you?” Chrissie held her sister’s face in her hands and used her thumbs to wipe away tears, “hey what’s wrong?” she asked softly and Rebecca couldn’t look at her properly, “alright come here,” she sounded maternal and comforting and that’s what made Rebecca hug into her again, “we’re stood out in the rain, I need to pick up biscuits since you complained ours are too posh, dad’s out for the day and Lucky’s at school which to me sounds like the perfect timing for us to have a duvet afternoon, I somehow managed to wriggle my way out of work, I may have told dad I was worried about you because you walked off and he couldn’t say no. Calum can join us too if you want?”

“I may have scared her earlier, she wasn’t listening to me and I slammed my fist on the table…I don’t know but I think it triggered something,” Calum then saw the pub and his chest grew heavy, “I need to go check out the place anyway, you two go and have your duvet day.”  
……

Calum walked into The Woolpack where he found Aaron and Robert talking, this overwhelming anger boiled inside him. This man had upset his best friend, made her come over for what? To work against her family, Rebecca loved her family and she loved her sister, Chrissie was her big sister and Robert was trying to come between that – so the Scot walked over to the blonde, “Ahh Calum how's-“ the blonde was cut off by Calum’s fist colliding with his cheek.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Charity cautiously walked over and Chas who had heard the thud came dashing down.

“Keep away from Rebecca, she's not well and you’re messing with her head! So keep away,” Calum warned, his dark eyes were glaring deep into Robert’s soul, “I mean it, you've messed with Chrissie and you're messing with Rebecca. They’re like my sisters and no one messes with my family!”

Robert pushed himself and rubbed his injured cheek, “Robert?” Victoria ran over to her older brother and observed his cheek, it was swollen and there was a bruise forming, “Marlon get some ice from the freezer, what do you think you’re doing?!” Victoria shouted to the Glaswegian who was still rather angry.

“He’s messing with my best friend’s head, you tell him to keep away from her!” Calum shouted though he soon regretted it, his Christianity side was coming back to him, “Robert, I’m so sorry…I saw red, please can you forgive me?” 

"Hang on you just smashed his face in, and you want him to forgive you?” Victoria questioned though she saw Robert consider it, “Robert don't you dare let him get away with this.”

“Can I buy you a pint or something?” Calum held out his strong hand and Robert knew that he needed to stay on Calum’s good side, so he shook his hand. Victoria rolled her eyes and Aaron stood beside Robert, “can we start again?”

"Vic, Aaron, this is Calum,” Robert introduced the Glaswegian to his partner and sister, “I swear to you I didn't know she was unwell, is she ok?”

“Chrissie’s taken her home they’re doing some sister bonding,” Calum leant across the bar, “how's she been? Has she been...manic or low?”

“Charity can you explain to Sinnerman here,” Robert felt his dark glare on him, “what? Punching someone isn't a sin then? Can you explain to Calum what Rebecca was like the other day?”

“Put it this way she begged me wine and then she walked off, she just went all glazed over,” Charity then saw a customer come to the bar, “Bare with for a second, yes love what can I get you?” 

“She also the other day went really weird, she couldn't remember coming to talk to me and she also scratched her thumb until it was covered in blood, then when I saw her outside she was just…not there and I heard Ronnie tried to get her to come inside but she flipped, is there anything seriously wrong with her?” Robert felt Aaron slide up beside him again, “Aaron’s cousin…she had a breakdown, so he's not wanting us to pressure her if…if she's mentally unstable.”

"We need to find a quiet corner, or somewhere private to chat,” Calum whispered and Aaron signalled for them to go upstairs.  
…….

Aaron gave Robert and Calum a cup of tea then went back for his, the three men then walked to sofa and Calum sat on the arm rest, “So what's going on with Bex?” Robert asked as he sipped at his second cup of tea for the day.  
“She…this didn't come from me, just pretend Aaron guessed it or something because she trusts me, she's a manic depressive and suffers from PTSD,” Calum settled his hot tea on the table and then sat down on the arm chair, “she’s…been off her lithium for about three months.”

"Manic depression?” Robert asked.

“Bipolar disorder, have you heard of that? It's a mood disorder the lithium helps with stabilising her moods…it's not just a normal mood swing thing it's quite scary. But hers is complicated as it…she gets her highs and her lows together, so she can be hypomanic but still be low and it's hard to explain but…she's not well and I can't force her to talk to her mental health nurse but Chrissie and Lawrence have got no idea what's brewing and you guys don't either, she's about to snap and I can't think how to stop it,” Calum rubbed his forehead and the two men tried to take it all in.

“What happens when she…you know snaps?” Aaron asked and Calum bit his lip, “Calum we need to know…we need to watch out for this, Chrissie and Lawrence if they don't know then how are we going to help her if we’re not informed?”

“Anything…no episode is the same, I can't get her to talk to anyone right now, not when I've terrified the life out of her.”  
….

Chrissie was laid on the sofa with Rebecca next to her they had a duvet around them and their favourite film which they watched lots when they were younger was playing on the tv. Rebecca was six years younger than Chrissie and the only thing they could enjoy watching together and that they could agree on was Annie it was the nineteen-eighty-two version, Rebecca was twirling with some of her long blonde hair and surpassed a yawn, whilst Chrissie was laid down engrossed on the part where Sandy the dog jumped into the swimming pool. Rebecca was just staring blank not really fully awake, she was so tired and drained that her twirling with her hair was the only way to get her to calm down. She heard something about Sandy thinking Mr Warbucks was drowning and that was it she was off. 

_Rebecca walked into the bathroom where she found her sister, she wasn't breathing and there was a pot of pills scattered on the floor and bleach was spilled on the floor. Vomit had choked her sister and there was blood coming out from behind her head, “Chrissie?” Rebecca walked over and saw that her sister was dead, her eyes widened and the blonde threw up on the floor she burst out into tears and shook, “Chrissie…CHRISSIE!”  
“Rebecca, Rebecca, wake up, Rebecca,” her sister’s voice echoed, “Rebecca…darling,” her dad’s voice echoed, “Bex…Bex,” Calum’s voice echoed._

“Rebecca it's ok,” Chrissie held onto her sister as she cried.

“Rebecca it's ok, it was just a dream,” Calum reassured his friend but she carried on crying.

“Youweredead,” Rebecca mumbled all together as she cried into her sister, “youweredead.”

"I'm not dead, I'm here, it's ok,” Chrissie stroked her sister’s hair and Rebecca pulled the duvet closer to her, “Oh Rebecca…please calm down,” her little sister cried and cried, struggling to get the dream out of her head. 

“Shh,” Lawrence soothed and he stroked her hair but Rebecca carried on crying, “it’s ok my darling, it's ok.”

Rebecca cuddled into her sister and refuse to let her go, “I don't want you to die.”

“Oh Rebecca,” Chrissie kissed her on the head, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I've done this to you,” Chrissie looked at her dad with worry in her eyes then she looked to Calum, “what do we do?” Chrissie whispered.

“You got any sleeping tablets?” Calum asked curiously, “if we can get off again…I’ll be able to explain to you guys without her knowing.”

"I've got zopiclone for my insomnia,” Lawrence answered, “joys of owning a business, you get no sleep. It's only seven point five milligrams will that do?”

"She's usually on ten milligrams of diazepam-“

"Ten?!” Chrissie choked on her own gasp of air, “what's she even on diazepam for?”

"Well give me your dad’s zopiclone and I’ll get her off and I’ll explain.”

**A/N: Sorry you guys I've taken so long to update! I've had to do research etc and try and gather ideas etc. I hope this ok, let me know what you think.  
** Love  
Cassidy xx 

 


	5. Flame That Came From Me, Fire Meet Gasoline, Fire Meet Gasoline, Im Burning Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum opens up about is feelings for his family rejecting him, Chrissie tries to get Rebecca to open up, the two sisters are forced to face up to the fact that one cannot make someone do something without the other one having to also.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m baaaack lol and with a build up to the story that’s going to start getting intense, I’m trying to explore also the other parts of the story that I’ve wrote in so I’m sorry if this was too boring it’s an update before it starts getting intense. I’m keeping it as Robron getting on with Bex as that was slightly the purpose to this story so even though they might not be close etc on screen I’m trying to build a friendship haha. 
> 
> Thanks to Gabby for still being interested and knowing what I meant without me even saying :’) haha, and thank you to Caitlin for always commenting and putting up with my late Tumblr replies and still being interested all this time later as well haha. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome and appreciated, also if you guys have any ideas please let me know I’m always open to your opinions and ideas. 
> 
> Love  
> Cassidy xxxx

It was silent in the kitchen Calum was leant across the counter with his elbows leant on the counter, his forehead resting on his grasped together hands, he was whispering a prayer. Lawrence was searching for his Zopiclone he found the box of sleeping tablets and popped out the round shaped pill that would knock her out for a few hours.

Chrissie grabbed a glass from the cupboard, “I’ll crush this up into a glass of water she won’t take it else,” she broke the tablet in half before crushing it using a mortar and pestle, “right I shall give Bex this and then join you once she’s off.”

“Sorry I just needed to…yeah, right Rebecca,” Calum walked over to Chrissie and Lawrence before trying to figure out how to start this awkward conversation, “Rebecca is not well,” he clasped his hands together and looked out the window hoping for some inspiration on how to explain to a very high strung family.

* * *

Aaron was leant against the bar nursing a beer thinking about Rebecca, not in any way dodgy but he was thinking about his own issues, about Belle, he was thinking about what was wrong with Rebecca how would they be able to get Andy free when Rebecca’s about to have a breakdown.

“You alright Aaron?” Victoria asked her brother’s partner who she had noticed was looking pensive, “look if you’re worried about Rebecca, Robert loves you.”

“It’s not that Rebecca’s not well and I don’t know what to do, we’ve all seen what’s happened to Belle keeping a secret. I don’t think she’ll be able to handle this,” Aaron pushed the pint away suddenly not feeling very thirsty, “Tell Robert I’ve gone for a run.”

* * *

Chrissie waited for Rebecca’s medication to work she was knelt down next to Rebecca trying to calm her sister down. The blonde couldn’t do it herself she was so full of anxiety and worry that calming down was the last thing she could do, in an attempt of self-comforting Rebecca twirled with the ends of her hair, “Hey it’s ok,” Chrissie whispered to her sister and tears spilt out of the blonde’s eyes, “shh, shh,” Chrissie sat up slightly and wiped away the tears that were cascading down her sister’s face, “just close your eyes and go to sleep,” she couldn't help but use the tone she once used with Lachlan, the tone that got him off to sleep if he woke up from a nightmare. Though Rebecca was living a mental nightmare, the calming tone worked with Rebecca and she looked up at her sister with her big blue eyes and sniffled lost for words as she was so tired, “and I promise you when you wake up I’ll still be here,” with that reassurance Rebecca started to relax, which allowed the medication to kick in properly. Her eyes shut and as she started to fall asleep she still sniffled and her chest rose and fell as she had teary hiccups, the older sister couldn’t help but see her as a child and to help her younger sister fall asleep quicker Chrissie played with her sister’s hair and waited a few minutes ensuring her sister was asleep before pulling the duvet over her, there was a final hiccup and a sniffle before she felt it was safe to leave.

Shutting the kitchen door behind her Chrissie walked over to the breakfast counter and looked at Calum, “Rebecca’s asleep now tell us what is going on with her,” Calum swallowed his guilt of betraying his best friend.

He gave them the whole story of Rebecca being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and how her PTSD had affected it more than he knew, how she had been on lithium but had stopped taking it for months and how he needed to get hold of Jenny – her mental health nurse, Lawrence swallowed an emotional lump in his throat whilst Chrissie pulled her hands down her face.

“They think Ellen’s death may have triggered her first episode, it’s not quite easy to pinpoint exactly what has caused it but it’s something in her brain chemistry and when Ellen died and when she saw…Chrissie in her childhood, it’s all rolled into one and she’s really not well,” Calum saw Chrissie duck her head and breath out, “I need to contact Jenny because she’s definitely about to snap, I’m scared how it’s going to come out guys. Her issue is that she has both the depression and the hypomania at the same time, last time I had to stop her jumping off a roof,” Lawrence mumbled a few words of shock but Calum kept talking, “she was out partying every single night, she didn’t stop, she didn’t sleep and I’m sorry if this hurts to tell you but she really isn’t well.”

“What can we do? I can pay for the best treatment possible- “

“This is why she didn’t tell you, she doesn’t want money thrown at her problem she wants her family, she wants her big sister to give her advice and hug her, she wants her dad to just tell her it will be ok, she wants her nephew to make her laugh and smile,” Calum walked over to the kettle and filled it up with water to boil, “she told me because…well she said it was because I’m a vicar and you trust us but really deep down, I think she just wanted someone who didn’t have a large cheque book and had a more realistic view on the world.”

“Are you saying we’re oblivious to the world around us because we’re rich?” Chrissie sounded rather insulted and Calum shook his head.

“No, no! It’s just…she knows how you reacted to Chrissie and the whole bleach and paracetamol issue,” Calum said to Lawrence and he watched as the dad turned his head away to try and think of something to say, “it’s perfectly understandable you reacted the way you did but she was worried you’d get that upset again and she begged me not to tell you but come on you’ve seen how bad she is. I need to contact Jenny but you also need to talk to Rebecca, Chrissie preferably as she tells me a lot she misses you,” Calum heard the kettle click and before he could go over Lawrence decided to make the tea, “I’m sorry I never told you before but she begged me.”

* * *

“So what do we do?” Chrissie asked her dad as they sat down in their office, “if she’s like this because of me…oh god dad.”

“You weren't very well,” Lawrence reassured her and Chrissie covered her face with her hands, “listen to me what Rebecca saw was you at your wits end, she saw you in a state because of what Donny was doing to you, yes what she saw wasn't the nicest thing but you couldn't help that.”

“Then why is my sister sixteen years later in a state again? She’s my little sister and I love her and I've managed to cause her to have some kind of mental breakdown,” Chrissie looked up at the ceiling.

“Yeah well nobody's perfect, look at Belle Dingle for example; bright girl, she started her own business line with the Sharma’s, and she's been sectioned for having a psychotic episode, it can happen to anyone.”

* * *

A few hours later Rebecca woke up to the sound of the TV, Chrissie talking to Calum and Lawrence was trying to explain to Lachlan who was still feeling a bit off with her, “Hey how you feeling?” Calum asked as he noticed her eyes were open, his voice was distorted from the medication and her vision was blurry, “when was the last time Bex you actually slept?” he asked and the blonde sat up a bit light headed but she pushed herself, “Bex?”

“I…I…” she stumbled on her words scared that if she spoke someone would guess something, she leant her head against the back of the sofa and Calum sat down next to her, “I…I don’t know,” she played with her hair again and Calum looked at her with concern on his face, then her she remembered she hadn’t heard from Robert, “where’s my phone?”

“It’s here,” Calum passed her the new phone she had gotten iPhone 7 and checked her phone, Robert hadn’t messaged her and that both worried her and relieved her, “now Bex do you want to talk about anything?”

“Nope,” she replied without looking at Calum instead she looked out of the window, “I don’t need to talk about anything.”

“Rebecca darling there is obviously something you’re obviously not well,” Lawrence didn’t realise he touched a nerve and his daughter sat upright and glared at him, “Calum’s…Calum’s told us about your problems.”

“My problems?” Rebecca tilted her head to the side and laughed, “my problems stem from her,” she pointed at Chrissie and Chrissie had to bite her tongue she knew Rebecca didn’t mean anything she was saying, she was so stuck in a state of hypomania that whatever she was saying she hoped she didn’t mean, “they stem from mum dying, they stem from the fact that I can’t balance out my brain chemistry properly, they stem from seeing my sister practically dead on the floor because of him,” she pointed to Lachlan and Chrissie stepped in front of her son protectively, Calum grabbed her under the arm, “Calum get off me!” she screamed.

“No!” Calum shouted, “No…I will not have you say something you regret,” he dragged her out of the living room and pulled his arm away from hers, “I’m doing what I should’ve done when I spoke to Robert and Aaron- “

“You’ve spoken to them? About my problems?! What gave you the right?!” Rebecca hit him on the chest and Calum moved away from her, “Calum? Just…why did you tell my dad and sister and Robert and Aaron?!” she shouted and Calum rubbed his hands down his face, “you had no right!”

“I have a right to protect the ones I love and believe it or not people care for you,” Calum spoke calmly this time and his friend bit at the skin around her nails, “and I care about you, that is why I told them and I told your dad and sister because they deserve to know,” he rubbed his hands up and down her arm, “they love you and I love you…you know I love you sweetheart.”

Rebecca pulled away from Calum again and ran upstairs, the slamming of her bedroom door and then her bathroom door told the remaining lot in the living room and hallway that she needed time. Rebecca locked the bathroom door and slid down it her knees to her chest and pulled out her phone from her pocket and rang Robert.

* * *

Robert was talking with Aaron again about what to do with Rebecca whether he liked it or not he had now involved himself in her life and Aaron, “it’s Rebecca,” Robert put the phone on loud speaker, “hey Bex are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” she cried and Robert looked at Aaron with confusion, “why did Calum tell you? What have you said?” she sniffled and coughed, “why are you digging around my life?!”

“Bex! You’re not well…why did you tell me when I called you over?” Robert and Aaron heard her crying down the phone and he knew exactly where this was going to go, “Bex?” he looked at Aaron with concern, “Rebecca?”

“Just go away Robert and leave me alone,” she hung up the phone and leant her head against the door in tears, “just leave me alone,” she heard the underwater noise in her ears and she pulled at her hair.

“Rebecca?” Chrissie knocked on the bathroom door and tried to open, “Rebecca open up please I promise it’s just me here,” she hoped maybe that might do the trick and it did, the bathroom door unlocked and Rebecca pulled her and locked the door again, “Rebecca why are you locking the door?”

“Calum will try and come in and he told you and he told,” Rebecca sat on the edge of the bath and stopped herself saying Robert and Aaron, Chrissie stood by the door she gently unlocked the door and Rebecca leant with her elbow against her thigh and she tapped her mouth with her fingers, “he told you and dad about my problems, I trusted him Chrissie.”

“I promise this won’t go further than you and I ok,” Chrissie walked towards her sister and dried away her tears, “and I am sorry that I have caused this, contributed whatever…I am sorry and this time it’s not going to end up like it did with me ok,” Chrissie sat down next to her sister on the edge of the bath and she felt Rebecca shaking, “are you cold?” she asked concerned and Rebecca nodded without saying a word, “do you want a hot drink?”

“Not without you being there!” Rebecca grabbed onto her sister’s hand and Chrissie put her free arm around Rebecca, “please Chrissie, not without you being there.”

“I would be there but if you want me to stay with you then yes of course I will,” Chrissie pushed her sister into her, “we will get you through this Rebecca ok, we will get you through this.”

“I didn’t mean what I said about Lucky,” Rebecca breathed in with a shaky breath before twirling with her hair again, “I’m sorry.”

“Right come on,” Chrissie pushed herself up and held out her hand for Rebecca to take, “I’ll make you a sweet tea that will calm you down,” Rebecca took her sister’s hand and stuck close to her, “you’ll be with me ok and when you want you can talk to Calum again…just let yourself calm down and if you need to sleep,” Chrissie dried her sister’s eyes again and then pulled her into a hug, “we’re going to get you through this, one step at a time,” Chrissie opened up the bathroom door and lead her sister downstairs, “not now,” Chrissie stopped the vicar in his steps as he came over to talk to Rebecca, “you’re ok to stay but just let her come around in her own time.”

“I’m the one who got her through this last time, Chrissie don’t shut me out,” Calum was right, he had been there the time she suffered an episode and he took her to all of her appointments and was there when the lithium was making her sick and when the diazepam caused her to hallucinate so much that she couldn’t be left alone, “please.”

“I’m making her a hot drink, let me talk her down or try…please,” Chrissie pleaded with the vicar who rubbed his hand threw his dark hair.

“Alright but she can change really quickly,” Calum walked away and walked into the living room again, “Chrissie’s with her.”

“Did she mean it? What she said? About me,” Lachlan was sat on the floor with Dog his only real friend in his life.

“No,” Calum joined the teenager on the floor and patted the dog on the head, “she’s just not well Lucky,” he stretched his legs out, “and I know what she said hurt, hence why I dragged her out but she doesn’t mean what she says, it’s her condition talking, it doesn’t stop it from hurting though, I came from a family of strong faith…they’re in so deep with their belief that it’s warped their vision of the world, not saying that faith is a mental health condition it’s not but I’m saying that when my parents found out I was gay they threw me out so fast and told me I was a disgrace, a bunch of other words and told me to go burn in hell…they’re in so deep they can’t see straight, it’s the same with Bex she’s unwell when she has an episode she goes in so deep that she can’t control what she says or does, that’s why she has therapy and medication, not that she’s on it right now the eejits been off it for three months.”

* * *

Chrissie and Rebeca were in the kitchen, she set a mug of sweet tea in front of Rebecca and herself, “do you want to talk?” Chrissie asked and Rebecca shook her head, she lifted the mug up to her mouth and she blew it to cool it down, “about ow you’re feeling?”

“No…” she scratched her shoulder nervously and Chrissie looked down at her hands, “you can’t make me talk Chrissie.”

“Rebecca I’m trying to help you…just let me in,” Chrissie rubbed her thumb up and down the mug the heat not burning but giving off heat, “you know I love you.”

“Then why did you try to kill yourself?” Rebecca asked the question she still hadn’t had answered in years, “you want me to talk? You start talking, why? What made you so depressed that you couldn’t bare another moment on earth? When you eventually tell me I’ll eventually tell you.”

Chrissie laughed in shock, shocked that Rebecca was actually asking her and she contemplated what to say, it wasn’t easy…talking about her down fall sixteen years ago was something she kept close to her heart and didn’t even properly let Lawrence in, “alright…if you’re going to be like that, I’ll talk as long as you talk to me.”

“Why?” Rebecca pushed, “you owe me some kind of answer, I found you nearly dead and you’ve never offered an explanation.”

“Maybe because I don’t want too, maybe because I don’t want to talk about the fact becoming a mother…it wasn’t becoming a mother, it was…” Chrissie sipped at her tea and Rebecca waited for an answer, “I can’t explain it.”

“Then stop trying to make me,” Rebecca turned her head away and looked down at the tea, “I’ll talk when I’m ready.”

“Alright I’m sorry,” Chrissie bit at her nails and Rebecca rubbed her eyes, “if you’re tired Bex you should go to sleep,” Chrissie saw Rebecca twirl with her hair again and she leant her head on the counter, “look if I promise to not nag you for an explanation will you please let me help you?”

Rebecca closed her head and turned her head the other way to avoid answering, Chrissie took the hint and she promised to stay with Rebecca so they sat in an awkward silence for about ten minutes before the blonde turned her head the other way again, “Chrissie,” she said her sister’s name and the brunette turned her head around to face her, “thank you,” she whispered and Chrissie nodded with an understanding that it was up to Rebecca whether she spoke or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the two month I think update I’ve been so busy! College and placement and life :’) I hope you guys haven’t given up on this, it’s going to start getting much more into it now and I hope I can do this justice – for people who suffer with mental health problems, for the people who have helped me with this and thank you to all the support if I don’t update by new year’s eve I will wish you all a happy 2017 but I do hope to update by then but just in case <3 
> 
> Love  
> Cassidy


	6. Can't Hard The Pain, Can't Hide The Pain, When You're Wrapped In Cellophane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is a standalone chapter based purely around Calum and Rebecca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken forever I've been working hard on placement etc and it's really hard to balance work and writing at the moment so I had to put my work obviously haha. So here's just a little slot in chapter to keep you guys going :) 
> 
> Oh my god to MajesticGrape you've been a godsend lately do thank you so much! 
> 
> As based on the title it's dedicated to Gabby so this is for my good friend Gabby :) love you xxx

It had been a week since Rebecca’s mental health problem was revealed and she still hadn’t spoken to Calum, something which hit the vicar hard as he had been there for her for a long time.

“Bex,” he managed to find her in the living room sat on the sofa reading a magazine, though she shut it quickly and went to leave, “Rebecca please,” he walked towards her and she backed away, “I’m sorry…I was honestly thinking of you-“

“You told Robert and Aaron that I’m a nutcase, you told my sister and dad that I am a nutcase I trusted you to keep it quiet, you’ve been my friend for god knows how many years Calum and you told them that I am ill when I have it under control,” Rebecca then went left but Calum blocked her, “seriously get out of my way!” she pushed him aside and Calum felt his heart pound against his chest, “you do not get to tell me what to do!” she walked towards him and Calum stepped backwards, “you told my family and you told Aaron and Robert,” she followed him until he backed into one of the windows, “how can I trust you not to do that again?”

“Bex…it’s me, it’s Calum,” he swallowed a lump in his throat actually frightful of what she might do, “look just sit down ok.”

“No you keep away from me!” she shouted not actually trusting a word that was coming out of his mouth, “the Calum I knew wouldn’t have done this to me,” she ran out of the living room and grabbed her coat.

“Rebecca you’re not fit to drive,” Calum stepped in front of the front door and Rebecca stared at him, “just sit down and we can talk!”

“Why would I talk to you? I hate you for what you’ve done…my dad can’t look at me normally, Chrissie’s on eggshells, I hate you for this now move out the way,” Calum had no choice but to let her go. Rebecca slammed the front door and bent over her hands on her knees as she tried to figure out what to do, “no…he’s evil…I can’t trust him,” she spoke to herself and unlocked the car it was raining again and Rebecca got into the car and slammed the door shut.

* * *

Calum had tried calling her mobile but he had only got voicemail, he stepped outside The Woolpack and hoped she would be there but as he looked around he saw no sign, “bloody hell,” he went to walk back out he had no time to stop and chat with anyone she was out there in a weird mood and he dreaded what could happen if anyone crossed her, Calum pulled out his phone and rang her number again with the phone to his ear he heard the ringing and prayed she’d answer the phone, answer phone again, “Bex where are you? Please I’m sorry…just call me when you get this!” he ended the call and held his phone against his forehead.

“Calum?” Harriet approached the young vicar, she had seen him hanging around outside the church and had joined a Sunday service one day. Although she had never really spoken to him she had sensed something about him and had finally managed to catch him, “are you ok?”

“Fine…just worried about Rebecca she’s…gone somewhere I can’t get hold of her and I’ll have Lawrence on my back about upsetting her…she hates me right now and I don’t know what to do,” Calum went to leave and Harriet abandoned her drink to follow him.

“If you’re looking for her I saw her along the bridge near the cricket pavilion,” Harriet smiled and Calum’s eyes lit up and he then started to jog.

* * *

Rebecca was leant over the bridge with tears falling down her face she was feeling confused, she thought she could trust Calum. Out of anyone she knew he was the one person she trusted the most, from talking about how she feels about being away so much to trusting him with her life when she nearly threw herself off a roof. Now he had told four people something she didn’t want them to know and there was a thought inside her head, that she could never trust him again. Calum took off his jacket as he was beginning to sweat and he ran as fast as he could to Rebecca, “Oh thank god,” he threw his arms around her and Rebecca pulled away instantly.

“No get off of me!” she pushed him away and leant across the bridge, her eyes were withdrawn and Calum felt his stomach twist, “you…you broke your promise, I trusted you Calum…you say that I can trust you with anything because you listen, because you know how to make me feel better, I can’t trust you anymore Calum…you told my dad about me being a manic depressive…he can’t look at me now Calum he feels guilty because you told him, he’s never loved me as much as Chrissie and after she had that overdose he couldn’t let her out of his sight so scared that she’d do it again, me?” Rebecca then laughed bitterly to herself, “he can’t look at me…and it’s because you told him,” she looked down at the flowing water, “I am like this flowing river Calum, I’m constantly going and never stopping. My brain can’t stop and I can’t cope…I feel like I need to sleep but I can’t do you have any idea how this feels?!” she covered her face with her hands and started to cry.

“No I don’t,” Calum answered truthfully, “but I’ve seen you like this before Becca and I can help you, I told you dad and sister because they needed to know…Aaron and Robert won’t say anything, I promise you Rebecca I never said this out of spite but…I couldn’t keep it in much longer I felt they needed to know,” he touched her shoulder and Rebecca looked at him her big eyes shining with tears, “I want to help you again, please Rebecca let me help you. Look I know you’re finding the side effects of Lithium quite unwelcoming but please take them, they’re there to help you, Jenny is lovely and kind and will help you and I will help you just please take these,” he pulled out of his jacket pocket the box of Lithium and she looked down at the box almost scared it would turn into some devil made figure, “just please take them sweetheart.”

“and if I take these pills…you’ll…you’ll let me do this my way?” she asked him Rebecca knew she needed help she wasn’t oblivious to that but at the same time she wasn’t ready to hand over her trust to someone she had already felt betrayed by, “without telling anyone else or…” her voice started to break and Calum took her hands, “you’ve been my best friend for a long time and I have never told anyone about what your parents did to you, I told my mum because she was…she protected you like you were her own and I only told mum because I felt it was necessary,” Rebecca’s brain then had another thought, that what she felt was the right thing to do back then, he thought was the right thing to do now, “oh god you were only doing what you felt was right.”

“Take these pills and let me help you,” Calum placed the box into Rebecca’s hand and she then leant into his chest, Calum put his arm around her and held onto her tight, “you’re a smart girl…you have a family who want to support you and you may not agree but you have God on your side too.”

“Stop with the Godbothering please,” she joked before pulling away before smiling, “you’re my best friend ok and I appreciate everything you do for believers but I don’t do that, I’m sorry I made you feel the way I did,” Rebecca put the lithium into her bag and sighed, “I was horrible wasn’t I?”

“Forget about it,” he placed his thumb and index finger under chin and lifted her chin up, “you’re perfect the way you are even with your bipolar…it’s a part of you that people might not understand but it also makes you who you are and I love you for it, just follow your plan and we’ll get you back on track,” he then put his arm around her shoulder and they walked together, “I love you Bex…as you know in a brotherly way but I do love you.”

“And I love you too,” Rebecca dried her eyes and breathed in the fresh air before looking at the grass, “do you think mum would hate me?”

Calum took his arm away from Rebecca and they found a place to sit on the grass bank Calum put his around her again and pulled her close into him, “no…she’d be proud that you were brave enough to get help, your mother loved you Bex…she was special, don’t ever forget that…she’d reach down and give you a hug if she could.”

“Thank you,” Rebecca leant her head on his shoulder and sniffled she was really feeling something strange today and she wished she knew how to control it, “I really am grateful to have you in my life.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome! Thank you to everyone who's reading this I love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> So I know you guys will probably hate this but I promise you there is no cheating between Robert and Rebecca, however I'm being very careful with this as I know a few people with what I'm writing about so I'm doing my research. Robert's being a friend and there will eventually be a cute friendship between Robron and Rebecca but I promise there's no cheating here with me. Love to you all from Cassidy 
> 
> Thanks to Gabby for reading my shorts and I hope you like this or if you hate it let me know! 
> 
> xxx


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